So under the suggestion of a friend I am going to do my first movie reveiw...

SPOILERS AHEAD! IF YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO SEE THE MOVIE WITHOUT KNOWING THE ENDING DON'T READ. Thank you.















Still here? Great. Grab some popcorn and your choice of drink and settle in for "The Knowing: Abridged"

-Scene One-

Nick Cage: I am a super smart astrophysics person, who is a super strict father and may have a slight drinking problem.
Caleb: I'm the son who he doesn't let play soccer or play with any friends. *sniffles and pets pet rabbit*
Nick Cage: What is this piece of paper? *picks up paper filled with lots of little numbers*
Caleb: It was put in a time capsule at my school by a really creepy girl who heard voices, 50 years ago.
Nick Cage: Excellent! You go to bed. I must fall into a drunken state so that I can decifer this code.
Caleb: Ok *walks off to bed*
Nick Cage: *chugs alcohol for a while* I've got it! These numbers are a code stating the date of a bad event and how many people die! I can do this while less then sober but I cannot notice the creepy dude in a trench coat standing right behind me!
Creepy Dude: *whispers* I be ninja.

-Scene Two-

Nick Cage: *to smart friend at work* I'm telling you these are a code. This one right here is the date my wife died in a fire. Something bad will happen tomorrow! It's written in the numbers.
Friend: Dude you need medical help.

-Scene Three-

Nick Cage: *in car stuck in traffic* I don't really know what is going on but it is raining so that means that change is coming... Will you look at that those numbers on my GPS look familiar... *pulls out numbered paper* Oh look they are the numbers that I couldn't figure out what they were. It's location. Something bad is supposed to happen today right here. I'm gonna get out of my car and trot up and see what's going on. *does so* Hello medical person is anyone hurt?
Medical person: Nothing bad. Oh shit I must run now! *runs*
Nick Cage: Wtf? *turns around* Oh would you look at that... A plane that is falling from the sky... It has just crashed into a field beside where I am standing. What to do? Hmmm... What the hell I'll just run into it since everything is on fire and exploding and I have nothing better to do.
Man on fire: AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
Nick Cage: Hold on I'll throw a blanket over you. There you go. Moving on. Oh will you look at that multiple people on fire and screaming... and oh I just saw those 3 people blow up... Oh look there are the medics I better go...

-Scene Four-

Nick Cage: Wow this is real. I must find the person who wrote this, but alas she is dead. I will now stalk her daughter and granddaughter with my son as an accomplice. *stalks*
Caleb: Uh dad?
Nick Cage: Go play with that little girl over there. I will use your discussion as a way to strike up a conversation so that I can ask her mother about her crazy mother and the numbers!
Caleb: Uh ok...
Nick Cage: *walks over to woman* Our kids get along and I'm a bit creepy but lets go have some refreshments with our children.
Woman: Ah ok.

-Scene Five-

Nick Cage: No more talk of parents who are gone. Tell me of the numbers.
Woman: You're crazy! We are leaving!
Nick Cage: Something bad will happen tomorrow!
Woman: I can't help you. You need professional help! *leaves with daughter*

-Scene Six-

Nick Cage: What are you doing?
Caleb: These strange creepy men gave me this black stone.
Nick Cage: Don't talk to strangers.

-Scene Seven-

Caleb: Dad's a bit strange... But maybe I should try to go to sleep...
Creepy Dude: *ninja's through wall, whispers* It is your turn for trauma.
Caleb: Dude you just appeared in my bedroom...
Creepy Dude: *whispers* Shh I am ninja! Now look out your window and see the future.
Caleb: Uh ok... *walks to window* Oh god trees on fire! And deer! Running on fire! The precious animals are cooking! AHHHH!
Creepy Dude: *ninja's out*
Nick Cage: Caleb! *hugs* It's ok. We can be crazy together.

-Scene Eight-

Nick Cage: I have left my son with my sister and I shall now go to stop bad event! I am at the location let me chase a dude who I think may be a terrorist. Nope he just stole some DVDs... I chased him onto a train for nothing.... Oh shit there is a train coming this way and it will kill us all! Run! *grabs nearby lady and hits the deck* *trains mows over plenty of screaming people as it flails everywhere but misses Nick*

-Scene Nine-

Woman: *sitting on Nick's step* You were right my mother knew the numbers and I'm supposed to die in a few days.
Nick Cage: I have to figure out this last event. Lets go to where your mother was.
Woman: Ok. Road trip kids.

-Scene Ten-

Nick Cage: *at crazy number writing dead ladies house* Well there is nothing here but this picture of Ezekiel looking at god and some other stuff from his visions I'll take it anyway. And oh look she carved the words Everyone Else into the bottom of her bed.
Caleb: *out side in car with little girl* Dude there are the creepy ninja men! They are getting closer! I will honk the horn!
Nick Cage: *runs out with woman* Are you ok!
Caleb: Creepy dude dad.
Nick Cage: *grabs gun* Stay here I will chase them in the dark with my flashlight and a little pistol. *runs into forest until he finds Creepy Dude* What the hell do you want!?
Creepy Dude: *whispers* I would tell you but you cannot hear my whispers. Instead I will open my mouth and blind you with the light of them!
Nick Cage: Ah blind!
Creepy Dude: *ninja escape*

-Scene Eleven-

Nick Cage: Well we here at my work place because your daughter took the picture I found at your mothers house and colored in the sun around God and that triggered something in my brain. Well will you look at that there is going to be a solar flare that will burn up the ozone and kill everything on earth.
Woman: We are fucked.

-Scene Twelve-

Woman: We must get to the caves! We might be able to survive there!
Nick Cage: No radiation is too powerful! I must get the door your mother scratched the last numbers into because she was young and crazy! I forgot that her senile and old teacher told me that in the beginning of this movie! But now I need it! *runs off with door to find the numbers*
Woman: Come on kids we have to get a head start.

-Scene Thirteen-

Woman: *stopped at a gas station, on the pay phone with Nick* No we have to get to the caves!
Creepy Dude's: *climb into the car with the kids and drive away*
Woman: No the kids! *steals another car and begins pursuit. Light turns red. Drives through anyway. Gets hit by a semi truck.* Damn mom was right. I die today. *dies*

-Scene Fourteen-

Nick Cage: *finds woman dead in back of ambulance* I'm sorry... *opens her hand and finds the black stone* I must save our children.

-Scene Fifteen-

Nick Cage: *follows tracks into forest by woman's mom who was crazy house. Stops. Gets out. Sees Creepy Dude. Points gun.* Where is my son!
Creepy Dude: *whispers* I would tell you but you can't hear the whispers...
Caleb: Hi dad. He gave me this rabbit. And now we are gonna leave. But he says you can't come.
Nick Cage: It's ok. We'll be together forever.
Woman's Daughter: I'll hold your bunny while you say goodbye. *tucks under arm with her bunny walks over to four Creepy Dudes*
Caleb: Bye dad.
Creepy Dudes: *whispers* He cannot hear our whispers he cannot come. We shall now reveal our true forms. *turn into glowy human forms with the faint outline of wings.*
Caleb: We are going to restart the human race even though I have no idea what that means at my young age of about 7.
Creepy Dudes: *whisper* Yes. There are four of us which is symbolic for the four creatures that Ezekiel saw and this is our space ship which he also saw. Now we go.
Caleb: Ok. *gets into space ship*
*space ship takes off and departs earth along with several others from around the world*
Nick Cage: *still on earth, falls over*

-Scene Sixteen-

Nick Cage: Everything is starting to burn but I'm going to go talk to my dad who I haven't spoken to in years.
Dad: Welcome home son. This isn't the end.
Nick Cage: I know. Group hug. *makes peace with God*
*earth is engulfed by fire*

-Scene Seventeen-

Caleb: Oh look. We are on a strange planet with funny looking grass and floating bubbles. And there is a white tree in the very center I think it must be the tree of life. We must be Adam and Eve. Let's run to it!

THE END

Me: *who has been eating popcorn drops last peice in the bag* Really? Freaking really?!?!?!

So now that that is out of this system the movie begins fairly well. There is an excellent set up for a man who believes that things are all dictated by chance to discover that everything happens for a reason as he saves the world. But how the hell do you save the world from the freaking sun?!?!?!

Of course I was still hoping he could but everything happened so his son could be taken by aliens to the new earth and repopulate it...

Dude you aliens can walk through walls... Take the kid in the night and skip all the crap with the numbers and visions of burning things that don't really matter anyway!!!! If you want to kid to come by choice offer him candy! Or just look like his dad! Those aren't your real faces anyway!

Overall the movie seemed to be very lacking. Sure the main character made his peace with God and his family, but I would too if I knew there was impending doom!

Best part of the whole movie was the fact that the kids were carrying rabbits as they went to the new earth... Dude they are supposed the screw like bunnies and repopulate the place... awesome....

Movie of epic fail...

The end...



If the above made no sense it is because I have been mentally scared by this movie and it is one AM in the morning...